Ghosting
by starxfisch
Summary: Kurt loses his mom when he's six years old, but a special boy comes along and helps him through it all. Angst, Ghost! Blaine.


**Ghosting**

_Do you ever play with kids in the basement_

_Soot upon your face so you were a hot mess_

_All your little molars cracked in the pressure_

_Come here little sister, let's get you to bed_

A breath of wind caught and danced with a strand of hair in Kurt Hummel's eyes as he crossed his backyard in the middle of a bitter October. The air was cool, and it was fresh, it surrounded him, and it made his eyes water slightly.

The crunch of recent fallen leaves came with each step as he made his way to his play set. He sat down on the cool wood of his swing and began to pump his legs, warming his frigid body simultaneously. He was glad to be home, away from school where the kids made fun of him that day. He was only in first grade, and he didn't yet realize just how cruel others could be. For now, he could come home where his mom would take care of him, where she would wipe the tears from his eyes, who could play with him and read to him and tell him that not all people are so unfair.

The sun was beginning to set. Clouds cast overhead, and the bare branches of trees were swaying slightly, allowing cracks of fading sunlight through their spaces. Wind was the sound in his ears, the fall sunset the only focus in his eyes. He felt warm, and he felt safe. By the time his mother called him for dinner, he had forgotten about the day at school and he had forgotten the silent glares and careless whispers he knew his classmates thought he couldn't hear.

His mom was there to help.

Elementary school went by fine when Kurt Hummel had his mother by his side. Fourth grade was the year that he had to adapt.

His mother died that year. Kurt got pulled out of class and taken to the principal's office where his dad and his aunt told him what happened. He didn't cry when they told him, and he didn't cry on the way home. He cried when he was put to bed, and his dad was the only one there to kiss him goodnight

His dad did everything he could to do everything that his mom did, and Kurt loved him for it. He couldn't ask for anyone better, but the fact was that his mom wasn't there to do everything she did before. And he missed her. But there was nothing he could do about it. So he adapted.

Those late afternoon outings to the swing set didn't seem so magical anymore. The empty creak of the chains, the swaying of the swing as leaves danced across his yard, taken with the wind, all seemed empty. Kurt couldn't feel her anymore, even though it seemed like it might feel like she's around corners of the house or making her way up the stairs. But it was empty, and quiet, and it was unbearable.

_But oh you caught me sleeping in the power sockets_

_You caught me mildew in the tiles of the bathroom_

_And oh you shot a glance like I was doing okay_

_Oh I am never on my way_

It was November, almost Thanksgiving. Kurt was in no hurry for the holiday; it would be the first Thanksgiving without her.

He still like to go out on his play set. Sometimes he would swing, sometimes he would climb the latter to the fort part to sit in solitude. He didn't know what he thought about all that time. Oftentimes he would bring a book with him to put his attention on.

On this day, he was in his fort reading, but he was so tired. What he wanted was for his mom to read this story to him. He missed her voice and the way she would call him in before dinner, the way she put him to bed at night and always promised that he was special, he was her's, and that she loved him. And even though he knew he would never hear any of that again, he couldn't accept the reality of everything. He succumb to the fact that he was upset, angry, and very, very alone. The tears fell, making his body shiver and forcing him to wrap his coat tighter around this body.

He didn't know how long he had been crying when he fell asleep. He was slouched in the corner of his fort, his chin tipped against his chest, his head nodding slightly. His sleep was peaceful for a while before he was suddenly jolted awake.

He let out a little yelp upon seeing a small boy about his age sitting next to him. But there was something different about that boy, something a little strange. He almost had a visible aura around him that was not like anything Kurt had seen before. His skin was slightly washed out compared to his think, curly, black hair. His eyes stood out the most, striking hazel and amber worlds tinted with flecks of green and gold. His smile was big and kind. He wore corduroys with a dark blue sweater, and a light blue bow tie with navy sailboats on it to match.

"Shh, it's okay," the other boy started as Kurt continued his freak-out. "Hey, it's okay! I'm just –"

"Who are you?" Kurt shot out, scooting back further into the corner than he thought possible.

The little boy giggled, a small blush covering his cheeks and the shells of his ears. "Relax! I just heard you crying and wanted to see if you were okay. My name's Blaine," he said, holding his hand out.

Kurt silenced himself and narrowed his eyes before cautiously extending his hand to shake the other boy's. How did he get up here, and how did he hear him crying, and why did he care? He had never seen this boy – Blaine – at school or around the neighborhood or anything.

"What's your name?" Blaine asked softly, moving to sit a little closer.

"Kurt," he told him. He shifted his knees closer to his chest. After a moment of slightly awkward silence, he turned his eyes upward. "What're you doing up here? Why are you in my play set?"

Blaine laughed again. "I told you, I heard you crying! I just came to see if you were okay. I saw you were reading and I was going to ask about that, but then...well, you know. That happened. So are you all right?"

Kurt was quiet for a few minutes. He didn't know this strange boy, and he certainly didn't feel like opening up to him and spilling all of his feelings to him. He could barely talk to his dad about it all, so why would he tell him?

He finally looked Blaine in the eye. "I'm all right. Thanks for asking...Blaine."

Blaine gave a big, tight lipped smile, nodding. "You're welcome, Kurt. Just know that you can talk to me about anything, all right?" He started to move to climb back down the ladder. "See you tomorrow!"

Kurt hung back. "See you tomorrow?"

_Do you ever run with him in the morning_

_Think about jumping over the back fence_

_Seven different places need a bitter mending_

_All we use are eyes to fill in most the gaps_

Kurt did indeed see Blaine the next day. And the next day, and the day after that. Blaine would visit Kurt in his backyard every day. Sometimes they would swing. Sometimes Kurt would share his books. Once, they even made a giant leaf pile and spent the afternoon jumping in and out of it, rebuilding and destroying it as time passed.

It was a couple weeks before Kurt started asking Blaine questions.

"Why don't you go to school?"

"Because I don't have to," Blaine answered.

"Well, why not?" Kurt asked.

"Because. I'm special, Kurt."

"What makes you more special than me, huh?"

Blaine looked at him.

"I don't know, Kurt. I'm special in a lot of ways."

Kurt rolled his eyes playfully. "Like how?"

Blaine cleaned dirt off his shoe thoughtfully.

"Hey, do you want to stay for dinner tonight?" Kurt asked, moving on.

Blaine stood up. "Uh, I can't tonight, Kurt. Thanks anyways. I'll see you tomorrow."

He watched Blaine disappear around a corner of the yard. He didn't know why whenever he asked Blaine to stay for dinner, he said no. He didn't know where he disappeared to at night because he never talked about his family, and he didn't understand why he was never at school.

But he figured that was something he had time to figure out.

It was a month later when they were talking inside that Blaine finally opened up to Kurt. December had taken over, and snow began to fall in fleeting sheets.

They were sitting in Kurt's room. Kurt had grown used to Blaine just being in there now that the weather was unbearably cold. He didn't think much of it; he, in fact, had come to accept Blaine as a mere figment of his imagination since he knew nothing else of the boy.

As they flipped through books and magazines that Kurt had on his shelf, Blaine spoke up.

"Hey, Kurt, I gotta tell you something."

"What is it?" Kurt responded without looking up from his magazine.

"It's about, uh...me. And, um, I don't quite know how to tell you."

Kurt looked up. "Blaine, you can tell me anything. We're best friends! Remember?"

Blaine smiled at him. "Yeah. I know. So I just thought I should tell you, um, some of the reasons why I can't ever meet your dad, or why I'm never at school or anything."

That got Kurt's attention. He flipped the pages he was reading shut and scooted closer to Blaine. "Tell me, Blaine. You can tell me, I promise."

Blaine sighed. "Okay. Well, the reason I can't do any of that stuff is cause I'm not like other boys, and the reason I'm not like other boys is cause...cause..." He stalled on his words.

Kurt held his breath. He wondered if he knew what Blaine was going to say. He wondered if he was going to say that the reason he wasn't like other boys was because he _liked_ other boys. Kurt liked other boys, and he was so scarred to tell anyone because he didn't think there was anyone like him. Maybe Blaine was someone like him. Just maybe...

"You can tell me, Blaine," he reminded him gently.

"Okay...well, the reason I'm different is because I'm a ghost."

Kurt stared at him. He didn't know if he heard right. "A ghost?"

"Mhm," Blaine nodded. "I died a couple weeks ago. But you didn't care when I came up to your play house, so I stayed around. Thanks for being my friend, Kurt. It's lonely being a ghost."

Kurt went to pat him on the back, to let him know it was okay, but his hand slipped right through.

_But oh you caught me sleeping in the power sockets_

_You caught me mildew in the tiles of the bathroom_

_And oh you shot a glance like I was doing okay_

_Oh I am never on my way_

Kurt and Blaine continued to grow together. Kurt entered high school where Blaine knew he wouldn't have an easy time; and he was right. And he was always there to pick up the pieces. Especially Kurt's freshman year where the struggles continued.

When Kurt was fourteen he didn't have any friends in high school. He would come home in tears sometimes, wrought with frustration when Blaine would greet him near the door. He couldn't hug him, but he could listen as Kurt sobbed his way through telling about his day, and Blaine would watch as he pulled red and blue stained clothes out of his backpack.

When Kurt didn't have anyone to invite over for sleepovers or to sing with, Blaine was there.

Blaine had a beautiful singing voice that developed as they got older, and they loved to pass the time some afternoons with duets.

The only constant besides time going on was that Blaine was there.

Blaine, his only friend a boy he could confide in. The boy who was there in transparent shades with the most beautiful eyes and most soothing voice Kurt could imagine. And Blaine was all his. But he couldn't love him.

Things changed when they were sixteen.

Kurt made friends. He joined the glee club at his school which took up free time, and he had rehearsals after school. Often. Not only this, but he joined the football team, and then the Cheerios. His time was full of extracurricular. His time wasn't filled with ghostings.

Meanwhile, Blaine waited in the back corners of a cold house, one where life didn't exist in the daylight. Kurt went to school. He went to glee club rehearsal. He had friends. He had auditions he was preparing for. Blaine wandered the hallways where he would find broken boxes in the basement filled with pictures of Kurt, Burt, and Elizabeth Hummel smiling at the camera before their family broke.

He would sit on Kurt's bed and lay down, thinking about how his own parents were doing even though he knew he couldn't know until the time was right. He would wait day by day until Kurt finally came home, came into his room, and greeted Blaine the same way.

"Hey, B!" before throwing his backpack on the bed next to where there should have been an indent from where Blaine was sitting.

"Hey," Blaine would always reply, trying to smile.

"How was your day?" Kurt would ask as he made his way to the bathroom to get cleaned up.

"Fine," Blaine mumbled back numbly as he wrapped his arms around his waist. Today hurt more than any other day, lying about the truth, because he knew this was the day that he needed to tell Kurt.

_The reasons my molars are so broken_

_Is I spend too much time ghosting_

_With the likes of you and yours_

"Kurt, I need to tell you something."

"What is it?" Kurt called from the bathroom.

"When you're in here," Blaine clarified.

He heard the water run, Kurt humming. Kurt was taking his time, not understanding how important it was that Blaine had to tell him something.

Ten minutes later he reappeared. "Okay, what's up, B?" he asked, flopping on the bed.

He grabbed a magazine and started flipping through the pages. Blaine watched him and couldn't seem to find the words to tell him. He was silent for a few minutes before Kurt peeked from behind the pages.

"What's going on, Blaine?"

He could see the wetness in Blaine's eyes, watched Blaine worrying his bottom lip between his teeth.

"I have to tell you something," he said quieter.

Kurt sat up. He put his hand close to Blaine's.

"Blaine..."

"I was there," Blaine started.

Kurt paused. "Where?"

"Your mom's accident."

Kurt stopped, his heart beat racing, his breath quickening.

"What?"

"I was there. I was at the accident. And my mom was, I was...we were in the other car. And I died, and your mom died, and...that's how I found you, Kurt, and I needed to tell you that."

Kurt's eyes filled with tears as it hit him. "Why didn't you tell me before?"

"Because I didn't know how, Kurt. I didn't know how to tell you, to make you understand that...people are here as long as they need to be to-to serve their purpose –"

"It wasn't my mom's time to die," Kurt interjected.

"I know, I know, Kurt. I'm just saying that...I went before my time. And I don't know what my purpose was, but I'm not mad about anything, because this brought me to you. Kurt, to be able to have been there for you all these years...I've known you for nearly ten years. And we've grown up together and I've fallen in love with you. I love you, Kurt, but I can't. I want to hold you but I go right through you. I want to talk to you everyday, to be there when you need a shoulder to cry on. But, you need to know as well as I do that I can't stay with you forever."

Kurt was crying harder now. "What do you mean?"

"I mean that I've served my purpose. You don't need me anymore, you've got other people and things to fill your time now. And that's okay. We need to learn to say goodbye."

"No." Kurt shook his head, looking away from Blaine.

"Yes," Blaine pushed. "I can't stay here forever. I did what I needed to for you. I can't be here anymore. You have to let me go."

Kurt's head was throbbing. He throat felt like it was going to close at any minute. "I can't," he started.

"You can," Blaine eased. He moved closer to Kurt, leaning back against the pillows next to him so they were laying on the bed together. "Kurt, I love you." He moved his hand to brush the tears from Kurt's face, knowing well that he couldn't.

"I love you too." Kurt said, looking back up into Blaine's amber eyes. "I've always loved you."

Blaine moved closer to Kurt. He knew he couldn't, but he moved his lips across Kurt's, moved his hands to take the other boy's.

And for a brief moment, everything felt whole, and complete, more than it ever had in ten years.

Kurt opened his eyes to see Blaine as a boy, and not a ghost, for the first time in his life. And he was beautiful. His skin had more color, his eyes more life. He felt his soft skin, his beating heart. And he smiled.

"I have to go," Blaine whispered.

"I'll never forget you," Kurt said.

"You never have to," Blaine said against his lips.

A tear made its way down Kurt's face as he nodded. He opened his eyes and looked into Blaine's. He was so beautiful.

"Will I ever see you again?" he asked.

Blaine looked at him. "I'll wait for you. Don't waste your life thinking of me, Kurt. Find others. Enjoy every moment. Live every second. And I'll see you in the next life. Because you have no choice but to believe in more now. But I'll never leave you – not in this life, not ever."

Kurt nodded, his tears beginning to subside. "Okay."

They kissed a few more times, felt their hearts beating together.

They held on as long as they could before falling asleep.

Kurt woke up alone.

_The reasons my insides are swollen_

_Is I spend too much time ghosting_

_With the likes of you and yours_

Blaine never came back. Kurt never found him lurking in the corners of his house or waiting in the shadows of his basement where no one went. He wasn't ever in the abandoned play set of his backyard or waiting in Kurt's bedroom when he got home.

Kurt realized that Blaine had served his purpose, that maybe his purpose was to help Kurt survive the most painful experience he would have to endure.

All he knew was that Blaine was special, and that he loved Blaine, and that he was given the most special, unexplainable opportunity with a boy that he would never see again. And it was something he couldn't explain. And he would never have to, or never try. Because he got the opportunity to have him, to love him, and to hold him in the end when he finally moved on. And that was more than he could ask for and it was more than he would ever hope to have again.

It was two years before Kurt went to visit Blaine's grave.

It was the October of his senior year of high school. It'd be Blaine's senior year if he was still there. He went to the Westerville cemetery where he found out Blaine was buried and walked to the little spot with dying roses set in front of it. He set his fresh flowers down in front and kneeled down, sitting himself square in front of the stone.

"Hi, Blaine," he started. He hadn't talked to him in so long. No answer followed, but he continued.

"I just wanted to come and visit you to say that I've been thinking about you. And I miss you."

He paused. He knew he would cry, and his head hurt trying to stop it.

"I'll never be able to thank you for what you did for me, but I need you to know that I am so, so thankful. And that I love you. And no matter where I go or where you are, you'll always be here. With me. I love you, Blaine. And I'll see you again one day, okay?"

He knew his tears started falling quickly. He sobbed quietly on the spot, rubbing his hand on the side of the stone.

He was collecting himself when he felt a shift in the wind, a patch of sun come out and saw a pile of amber leaves circling him.

He smiled because he knew he wasn't alone.


End file.
